Updates, right! It’s been a while since I was writing here. Granted, I’ve been feeling wonderful and that usually means less time spent writing, but I know it’s important to track my journey fully so here we go!
First of all, as of today, I am down to only one medication, 200mg of Seroquel and I feel better than ever. I have no intention of ever getting back on the other medications and I know it’s possible, here is why… I’ve recently changed my diet to vegan only and it’s completely changed me. I’ve lost weight, I have more energy, and my moods are pretty damn normal, plus I don’t have the ever lingering zombie like fog that mood drugs usually carry. I strongly recommend if you’re still struggling with mood swings, give veganism a shot. It isn’t as hard as some people think it is. If you need some pointers, check out my newest blog One Crunchy Mama or my Pinterest. It’s also made my conscious feel much better as well. Continue reading
Well things are moving along quite nicely! After a slight bump in the road a couple weeks ago, I am back on track and doing well. I am now completely off of Lithium!
Lamictal – 150mg
Seroquel – 300mg
I will be done weaning off my medication by the end of April so we can finally start trying to conceive! Although I’m doing good, I don’t doubt I will still have plenty of ups and downs throughout this whole process, but I know it will be worth it. I am just ready to be pregnant so the little voices in my head will stop telling me I can still run away if I want to! Continue reading
There is a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach. It’s not because I have a cold or anything like that. It’s the kind of sickness that grows in my mind on nights like tonight when I can’t sleep and every thought in my mind is troubled. Nights like tonight where my real life feels like too much to handle and I don’t know how to escape. I feel like I’m suffocating and rage is building up inside me again; the flame could spark at any moment.
Medication and mood changes are devastating me. One part of me knows it will be worth it, to hold my child in my arms for the first time and learn a whole new kind of love. Then again, this dark side of me feels trapped and tries to convince us to flee, convince us that this is all too much for us to handle. And then I remember that nothing is guaranteed. Not my pregnancy or my sanity. This could all be for nothing or it could all get out of hand so fast that I won’t be able to stop it and I could wind up alone, or in a hospital or worse, a morgue. Continue reading
As most everyone knows, I’m very open about my bipolar and all the nasty symptoms that come along with it. It’s never been hard for me to talk about it and over the years, I’ve learned how to more easily explain to people who don’t understand it. I’ve also been very open to treatment throughout the years and have been almost completely open with therapists and psychiatrists.
However, in the past few years, as my OCD has become increasingly difficult to live with, I’ve had a hard time talking to anyone about what I actually go through, including my therapist who could I know could probably help me cope with it. Unlike bipolar, OCD is a relatively new concept to me as far as accepting my illness. It’s also been difficult for me to pin point triggers. Yesterday I finally found the correct term that encompasses the type of OCD I mostly struggle with: sensorimotor or body oriented obsessions.
I feel like I’ve never been afraid to get help before and face my demons, but all of a sudden, I’m terrified and embarrassed by this and cannot fathom fully explaining and showing my therapist all my obsessions at our session tomorrow. Continue reading